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Hello again. I wanted to share with you the...

Resolved • Response time 2 hours 37 minutes

21 May 2013

Hello again. I wanted to share with you the update re my situation and see where I should go from here. My boyfriend saw his psychiatrist who felt that while he was taking more of the meds then he should, it was still a low dose and he should titrate down and see where he is and what, if any, challenges he may be have during and after. Since they see each other twice weekly, they will revisit. I stayed with him for a few days, to make sure he was okay, and it was oddly normal. I then needed to go on a short business trip and left my dog with him - he is very attached to her and I find she provides some comfort as well. I came back after two days, and he seemed fine. He said he was doing exactly what his Dr. suggested and so far, so good. I just thanked him for watching the dog and left. I have not heard from him since, but that was only two days ago. Oddly enough, he keeps initiating playing "Words with Friends.” something we always did. I wonder if that is his way of keeping some line of communication open or he is just bored or a little of both - so I have just been playing back. A part of me feels very angry, and I have been thinking that if I don’t hear from him in say a week or two, that I should just go to his place while he is at therapy, pack my stuff , leave his key and try to just move on. I remember him telling me that he stayed in touch with an old girlfriend (whom he also broke up with- albeit, for different reasons) She was devastated so she did the "friend" thing for years, I suppose she had hoped they would reconcile. It was fine with him as I think it took away some of his guilt about ending it. Granted that was a while ago, but I don’t want to go down the same path, and be his support system and buddy- hoping that we too will reconcile, and all the while he is just alleviating his own guilty feelings. I remember when he said we couldn’t see each other anymore; he said “I don’t want to lose you as a friend”. Well being my friend is not an option as far as I am concerned. So should I just stop playing the game, wait a few weeks and see if he contacts me? And if he does not, should I go there, take my stuff and try to move on?
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21 May 2013

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Mental Health Professional's response
21 May 2013
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
I see the doctor does not seem concerned with his over-use of the medication, which is never something good, specially when being aware he has openly acknowledged his addiction to such drug-s. There was no mention about psychotherapy either, then no plans for working on himself and his core issues, which is just very concerning and frustrating for anybody in your shoes. You are very clear about what you want and are willing to afford, which does not include any friendship the way he expects it to be, even more when aware of similar previous scenario with another person. I do think that you are totally right when being truthful with yourself and reflecting on how unhealthy and uncomfortable it is for you to "play his game", which obviously does not work for you at all. Please be totally honest and direct towards him about what you need and expect, how different and incompatible it is from what he wants and does. Whether you address these core issues face to face or by email, just be totally clear and honest, then stick to your decision, and if he does not change his mind and behaviors about you and your relationship, then leaving would be the consistent step to take.
21 May 2013
Customer reply
22 May 2013
Thank you I will.
22 May 2013
Mental Health Professional's response
22 May 2013
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist
You're very welcome. I hope this to be a positive and empowering experience for you.
Customer rating:
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
Avg. question only $20
MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
22 May 2013
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