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I have this problem that i am overly...

Resolved • Response time 44 minutes

28 Mar 2013

I have this problem that i am overly sensitive and often suppress myself to avoid feeling conspicuous, my hypersensitivity causes timidity and a massive lack of self confidence, even little things outside of my day to day life can feel disproportionately difficult to overcome and has a paralyzing effect, i feel like i am a sponge for the world problems sometimes and i am stuck in my comfort zone and cant see anyway of getting out of it, i have a good job and no money worries but as i approach 40 next month i constantly find myself reflecting on things i have not been able to do, like create proper relationships. That in itself has caused its own problems as i have had to resort to seeing escorts to satisfy my own libido which in turn throws up another heap of negative emotions and regrets, i tend to be very short tempered but never in a voilent way and also very prone to jealousy of people who i perceive to have what i do not.
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28 Mar 2013

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Mental Health Professional's response
28 Mar 2013
Dr. L
Dr. L
Clinical Psychologist
Hello, I would like to help you with your question. After reading your post, it seems to me that two things are happening. One is your long standing shyness and the second is this soon approaching 40 birthday. Significant birthdays like 30, 40, 50, 60 tend to lead us to re-evaluate life and look at what we have or have not accomplished. Often time, people get into a funk prior to these dates and end up feeling quite negative about themselves. Certainly you have heard about mid-life crises and the like. Have you ever considered seeing a psychologist to help you better understand your shyness and sensitivity? I understand the "sponge" analogy ... and have compassion for the special burden that comes from feeling that responsible for the world. In therapy, this can be examined so that you understand why you have taken on this role and what you can do to let go of it. Let me know what you think about that. As to the pending birthday...it seems to me that your thoughts and feelings here are very normal..and spot on. However, you have a choice to ruminate about what you have not accomplished or to set goals about what you will accomplish in this next decade. Here is an exercise for you: Write down 50 things you want to accomplish by age 50 (otherwise known as the 50 B/4 50 list). On this list should be both the big things and little things you want to accomplish in life....be that...learning how to fly fish, attending a family reunion, learning a new language... The key here is to look at your heart's desires, get them on paper, and then get up and get doing. The list shows you what is possible...and what must be made a priority. I await your reply. Thank you.
28 Mar 2013
Customer reply
28 Mar 2013
I have never thought about seeing a psychologist because being a bit set in my ways ive already thought about my problems as just that and i would have to deal with them myself or maybe put up with them to be more correct, i sought the advice of someone like yourself to to get an outside view on the situation, normally i can think quite logically but recently i have started to self doubt about whether my independant nature is affecting that train of thought, i think it must be because i am finding hard to concentrate on tasks. I just remembered a few years ago i did see my local GP about anxiety and they suggested something along the lines CBT, in the end i decided not to go ahead with it, mainly because the anxiety by and large went away, although i will admit before using this site today it has crossed my mind about whether i should see a phychologist but then i would have to be very open with them and that's something i would be nervous of because of course there must be a root and effect reason why i am shy in the first place.
28 Mar 2013
Mental Health Professional's response
28 Mar 2013
Dr. L
Dr. L
Clinical Psychologist
Hello, Thanks for your frank response. Most of us tend to think that our problems are our own and that we should be "man" enough to figure them out. The truth is that sometimes outside help may be the very best thing that we can do for ourselves to ensure a happy, fulfilling, and joyful life. And, of course, there is the old thought that you have to be nuts to see a therapist. That could not be further from the truth. People who are "crazy" would never be rational long enough to seek help! Truthfully...therapy is for those who are courageous and want to have improvements in their life. You are correct in thinking that you would need to be open if you really wanted help and yes...looking for the root cause is one strategy. However, you are "hiring" a therapist, and in doing so, you set the contract. If going into your childhood is not something you want to do and rather you want to focus on strategies for self-improvement...then that is what you would ask for. You set the agenda. Anxiety is about fear. And it sounds like the issue back then resolved itself. Good. That happens frequently. So..it sounds like you might be amenable to therapy as a way to develop some new coping mechanisms to address your shyness and tendency to take on the world's pain. If you would like me to help you find a therapist...I would be happy to do that. Let me know how else I can help you today.
28 Mar 2013
Customer reply
28 Mar 2013
Thanks for you help thus far, yes i would be interested in finding a therapist if only to find out more about myself and understand why i act the way i act, normally people come to me with their problems but when i have some of my own my rational thinking goes out the window but this is probably running at deeper level than just some little decision someone might have to make. I could be wrong but to me i think in order to go forward you have to understand the past and i don't think i would have much of problem being open with a therapist if i knew only good could come out of it.
28 Mar 2013
Mental Health Professional's response
29 Mar 2013
Dr. L
Dr. L
Yes...I do believe that something good would come out of seeing a therapist. Right now you are "stuck" and to get to that future you want...unraveling the past seems to be in order. As I said earlier...it takes courage to be in therapy! And while it will require trust on your end and hard work, being able to look forward to life, feeling happier about yourself, and gaining more self-worth make this journey a good investment. A website that will help you find a therapist in your area is: www.psychologytoday.com Across the top of the page you will see an icon for Find A Therapist. Click on this icon and you will be taken to a page where you can put in the name of the city you live in and your zip code. A list of therapists will then be given to you. Read through the profiles and check website if listed. Come up with a list of 3-5 therapists and then call them to see if you feel comfortable with them on the phone, if they take your insurance, and so forth. Let me know if I can help with this process. Take care!
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Dr. L
Dr. L
Clinical Psychologist
Avg. question only $24
Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
29 Mar 2013
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