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Relationship

Hi ,How are u?I want to tell u my story,and I...

Resolved • Response time 24 minutes

3 Feb 2013

Hi ,How are u?I want to tell u my story,and I really want u to give me the honest answer,Im really dont mind u tell me the truth because its will help me in the future,so let start: I have a boyfriend for 8 months and he cheated on me with his ex_girlfriend.When he stayed with me im all take care of him,he dont need to pay for food,house,phone bill,everythings.( he has no job ,now) His ex_girlfriend been with him for 4 years,when he met me he still with her,after met me for a month ,he brokeup with her,but he did lie to me he bokeup with her for few years ago,I found out in his email, his ex_sent the email ask him for money return he was borrow her,I try to contact her and she told me everythings about him,she told me my boyfriend told her he work far away,that why he just stop by some time with her,have sex with her and ask her money for gas,phone bill (she been take care of him in 4 years),because she didnt know he has a new girl friend,that why she still give him money durring he already own her 5,000( five thousand dollars). Im fall in love with him,but I still kick him out,I talk with his ex_she told me after I kick him out he came and see her everyday,he try to used her,after I kick him out for 10 days,I start missing him,and I dont know what to do,His ex_ talk with me every day ,she very nice and honest, she told me: we all his victim,and we both love him that is the stupid thing, I can feel she still love him,we both love him, but he choose me,because I think my situation better than her,because I have my own house he can stay with me,his ex_ still live with her daughter and sisters,she call me the other day said is my boy friend try to slept with her and they went out movie like a couple.she was cry with me, she said her feeling for him is still there even he treated her badly.I did tell her is: dont worry aboutt me if he come to me I will push him back to u,because i know if I dont accept him back, he will come back to her ,because he need sex and money.But I didnt keep my words,Im sorry.. the next day he cameback to me,his knee down and beg me give him a second change,my boyfriend very charming and good to talk,I still love him and feel lonely when he left, that why I accept him back even I feel guity with his ex_ I know Im selfish ,but I cant let him go again,even I know my boyfriend is greedy man. Now I know when I take him back its mean he will stay with me,( he has nothing),and I will take care for him again,I work full time and he doesnt work, his job is very bad now( he is self employee) He 56 years old and Im 50 years old and we both have no kid , I dont mind to take care him now,but I really dont know in the future what is happening,is he still cheat on me when my money is gone?because just only me work and take care of him ,can I marry him?I want to sell my big house move in to small house to payless money,is he desert it? if he treat his ex_badly ,will he treat me the same way in the future?I know he is bad guy but I love him , I know my boyfriend is a cheater,liar,user,one thing about him is: good in bed.I really dont know what to do because I already took him back,Im 50 years old,I dont know I have a chance to find another man? A good man and have a steady job?or I just stick with him for the rest of my life and I know is: I will never proud of him. Please tell me about what will happen on the situation like us?what happen in the future when I stick with him when he cant help me notthing.Can I trust him again? and right now he has no place for stay just :My House Please give me the best advice before I decide want to marry him Thank u very much Fiona
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3 Feb 2013

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Counselor's response
3 Feb 2013
Dr. L
Dr. L
Clinical Psychologist
Hello Fiona, I would like to help you with your question. This man is really lucky as he has two women who really want to be with him and who say they love him. And...he is a taker, a user, he has no job, and no way to contribute to the financial life of either of these women. What he does is to come in to your home and take advantage of your home, your food, you money and your willingness to take care of him. If you are willing to give and give and give until you have nothing left...well then this guy is going to stay in your life. If...and when...you tell him to leave..he will go to this other woman. And if - or when - this other woman sends him away....then he will come back to you. For now, the two of you are sharing this man. Is that something you want to continue? Do you think that's what she wants? You ask if you can trust him? If he continues to act as he does...then the answer is NO. But does that even make a difference to you? You seem to have accepted that he does not tell the truth - you know he is with this other woman...you know he lies...you know he cheats...yet you invite him into your home and take care of him. Right? This is not a marrying man. He cheats with other women. He lies. He doesn't work. Why would you want to legally bind yourself to him? Are you sure he would want to get married? Right now he has two women to care for him. Would he want to give that up?
3 Feb 2013
Customer reply
4 Feb 2013
Thank you for ur answer Dr.L. But my boyfriend promisee with me He will never see his ex_ again( 1 thing is: he still own her money),but Im still worry if I work all day and he doesnt work ,what will happen to the people if they dont try to work? Are they bored and try to do bad thing again? Fiona
4 Feb 2013
Counselor's response
4 Feb 2013
Dr. L
Dr. L
Hello, It's not a good thing that he owes her money as she might come after that money...and you might end up having to pay it for him. Most people who don't work get quite bored and that boredom can lead to getting into trouble, making bad decisions, wasting time, and being in a bad mood. If he doesn't want to work...then he should at least do some volunteer work. He needs a reason to get up in the morning...and he also needs to have something positive to occupy his time. You can look in the newspaper for volunteer positions, check at a local church or social service agency. Lots of people could use a helping hand...and that would be a good way for him to make use of his time.
Customer rating:
Dr. L
Dr. L
Clinical Psychologist
Avg. question only $18
Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
4 Feb 2013
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