I've been dating a guy for 6 months, and he broke up with me about 5 days ago. I didn't see it coming - I thought we had a good relationship, not perfect but good and no issues that we couldnt work on. He just got out of a divorce back in January (married for 1 year, with the girl for 5 years total), and his reasons for breaking up were:
- He cares about me, but is not 100% sure that I am the one for him, and he feels he needs to have space or be single or date more after his divorce to find out what else is out there. He also says he doesn't not want to be with me, but that he's just not completely sure, and wants to be sure before it goes further.
- He thinks that it's important in a relationship to always want to be with the person and feel passion for them, and he said he doesn't feel that with me all the time
- He also said there are parts of my behavior that bother him, and he knows he has been critical of me at times, and he doesn't want to treat me badly like that anymore. He did that with his ex-wife and it drove her away and caused them to fight. He is not sure if we are 100% compatible.
He came back to me yesterday and said that he thinks he made a big mistake and that he's not ready to lose me yet. I said i do want him back, but I am afraid that his need to have space may just come up again and we'll have to go through this all over again. Part of me feels like I should tell him to take his time and his space, and if he still wants to come back to me, we can talk about it then. But at the same time I fear that means I could lose him. On his end, he is saying now that maybe he was being selfish by wanting space, but part of him does feels he does need that space to think, but fears that I will be the one to not want him if he comes back.
When we talked yesterday I also said that I might be willing to work on those behavioral things if he is, and he said he would be as well.
We are meeting this Friday to talk in person and either to end things for good or to reconcile.
So I guess my questions for you are: Is the fear of losing someone a good enough reason to stay together? Or is that too emotional a decision? Or are emotions actually the best way to know what you really want? And should I give him space? Is it true that if you care about something, sometimes you have to let it go, and if it comes back it means its yours? Or, should we try and work on things now, and if his need for space comes back, just end things then?